On January 6th 2015 I will undergo bariatric surgery.
A portion of my stomach will be removed, the rest formed into a new smaller stomach.
I will then rapidly lose between 80 – 120 pounds, eventually settling close to my goal weight of 180 pounds.
I will then live a long and healthy life; for me, but more importantly for my wife and children.
A few baby photos notwithstanding, I have been fat all my life.
I don’t know what it’s like to be thin, to be generally attractive, or to participate in sports without the pain and embarrassment that 40% body fat brings with it.
It feels a bit odd to want something so bad — to not be fat — but to not really know what it’s going to be like. Really, I just don’t want to be fat any more. Skinny? Medium? Athletic? Buff? Overweight-but-not-obese? I don’t care. Things simply cannot continue as they are now.
I can’t run for more than a few steps; it hurts my knees and ankles too much. Similarly, walking long distances without a break is excruciating. Sadly, my least painless visit to the Iowa State Fair was this most recent visit because I had a broken foot and rented a scooter.
I sleep with a CPAP because my weight is causing obstructive sleep apnea. I am literally too fat to breathe while asleep.
Inciting Incident
I had considered bariatric surgery as an option for a while. There’s just so many excuses not to do it which sound reasonable until considered thoroughly. My sister Jessica had the surgery herself last April, forcing me to confront those excuses myself.
At first I was worried about her. Watching her recover quickly and shed pounds like crazy solidified my decision; I would do the same thing. That started in July.
In-Depth
I plan on going into the details of what the surgery entails, the lead-up, and the changes I’ll have to make for the rest of my life. I also want to talk about some of the arguments for and against weight loss surgery. However, its going to take a bit of time to get all those thoughts together, and I wanted to get this out there so my family and friends can know what I’ve been up to.
Right Now
Prior to my surgery I have a strict liquids-only diet. You know that “hmm, what’s for dinner?” feeling you get a bit before dinner time? I have that before I eat. While I eat. And after I eat. Pretty much all the time. I’m not starving; I just feel like I haven’t eaten anything.
It’s because I haven’t, of course. I’m having broth, sugar-free jello, sugar-free pudding, tomato soup, and a few other things that barely count as food. I’ve been on this diet for 3 days so far, 11 to go. They say it’s just to get used to not eating. Of course, after the surgery I’ll feel so shitty I won’t want to eat anything anyhow.
It’s 11:30pm and I’m finishing up my sugar free pudding. Time to put this post to bed, then head there myself.
